I don’t know if it’s the last time I get to hear my grandpa sing to me on the phone. Since I can’t travel to Mexico to see him, this is as close to distance as we come. The fact that no matter what, we’re always a phone call away.
Maybe I don’t call him as often because it hurts. Maybe I don’t call him as often because I don’t have answers to give him about my migratory status and why I still can’t travel.
We plan our trip to Mexico every time we chat on the phone. We talk about the places we’ll go eat at and the places we’ll get to enjoy together. La carretera to San Felipe, and he shares all the places he’s been to, but can no longer travel to.
He pictures everything in his mind, while his eyes now blurry, and his legs weak at his late 80s, won’t let him travel to all the places he once went to.
I miss him. I miss my family, and today he reminded me how much we were alike. Like him, always meeting new people, making friends, and connections, I was reminded that in a way, that’s exactly what I do. I make friends and bring them over to my house. He told me we were so much alike that I almost got married and went to India.
He told me to be happy and to stay positive. He said how proud he was and that in a way, he lived through me and my journey. He sang me a birthday song, las mañanitas. I love his voice and how sentimental his songs sound when he sings.
I don’t know if it’s the last song I get to hear from him, or if it’s our last conversation where he remembers who I am. I am just grateful he reminded me of my roots.
I’m not American. I am a woman created by a wonderful family of warriors. I am a woman created by love and courage. I am my family, their struggles, their challenges, and their successes. This is why I am proud to be a Moreno, to be a Gonzalez, to be a Valerio, to be Mexican, and to be Anaiza.
My soul, while now whipping, it too feels so much love and strength. It is a reminder that it too shall pass, and we will all be stronger thereafter. I love my grandpa and am forever thankful for everything he is and has done for all of us.
Thank you grandpa, for this call, a call to my soul.
#monaliza0229 